Pasquale vs The Matrix Online

I just want to start by saying that the screen shots used in today's post are not mine. One of the reasons this update is so late is because I couldn't figure out how to get my damn screenshots to work. I knew how to take them, but they were always just black screens. (At first I thought this was because The Matrix Online (TMO) was just too awesome for screen shots, but you'd better believe that is a lie.)

I only put in maybe 10 or so hours but I feel I got a pretty good grip on how things work.

First off, let's talk about character creation and training.

This is the character creation screen. You're probably admiring her ass. I want to repeat, these are not my shots, someone else took a picture of this chick's ass.

There are a handful of choices to make when creating your character. First you pick what type of person is taking the red pill.

Secluded Introvert
New Age Hippie
Suspicious Cynic
Fanatic Self-Improver
True Believer
(Assorted others, all with equally stupid names.)

As far as I can tell, the only thing that changes when choosing one of these is your stats, and it doesn't change by much. After this, you go to the character creation screen pictured above. You can make a male or female, and then pick one of two different shirts, pants, shoes, and sunglasses. Needless to say, when you first start, everyone looks the same.

After you make your guy, its time to learn how to play. TMO is actually really easy to pick up: Move to bad guy, press "1," kung fu his ass off. Repeat as desired. Training lasts a few minutes and then it's time to 'jack in' (a phrase that made me laugh every time I started the game up) and begin your adventure.

After walking around for a little while, you'll come across some street thugs who need to be taught a lesson. After teaching said lesson, you'll find new clothes on them, and you can change your look. Within 10-15 minutes, you'll already be finished looking exactly like Neo.

Here's a shot of me standing next to Morpheus.

There are three types of characters in the game. Hackers are the mage-type, Coders are crafters, (seriously, you're sole purpose is to craft items for other people), and whatever the warrior type is called. Soldier, I think. I forgot, it was boring.

As you level up, you can buy abilities to learn depending on which of the three you choose. As you get higher, you can branch off into other aspects: Hand-to-hand or guns, black or white mage, make clothes or make potions. (Seriously, how lame is that?)

The hand to hand combat is fun to watch for a few minutes, then it gets repetitive. Seeing the same jump kicks and karate chops gets old pretty fast.

This is a shot of me getting kicked in the face. Yowza! (/sigh)

Combat in TMO requires almost no skill whatsoever. You can basically press any buttons you want, and whatever you are fighting will die.

When 'casting' a spell, your character will type on an imaginary computer until the fancy green grid (shown above) appears. Then a virus will infect your enemy, causing whatever type of damage your spell is supposed to do. (While typing on your invisible computer, your character will look like he is flailing his arms, because he is afraid of spiders.)

I expected to find a lot of players with names like Neojunior and Tr1nitygirl, but that proved impossible, because there was never anyone on. Once in a while you see a flash of what you think is another player, but when you chase it around the corner, you see that it was nothing.

One time I saw a pretty big group of high level players, and every single one of them looked the same. They all had matching long black coats, black pants, and black sunglasses. If their names weren't hovering over their heads, I'm confident they would have had no idea who was who.

Missions are pretty standard; Run to building, click on person in building, kill someone, win mission. It probably gets a little more difficult later in the game, but I highly doubt it.

The only spot I had lag was when i was running around in the city. I would be lag free until a car would drive by on the street. For some reason, cars cause massive lag to all players around them. This made traveling very difficult and tiring.

In case I hadn't made it painfully obvious already, this game sucked. The idea of paying monthly for a game where the cars cause lag and the buildings dissapear if you look at them the wrong way blows my mind.

Next week, Pasquale vs World of Warcraft.