What a load of craft.

Ever since I got FFxi, I knew I was going to be a Summoner. I thought the idea of controlling avatars was awesome, and that it would make me kick more forms of ass than anyone else. Then I started to play SMN and ...well you know. SMN is less than exciting when you only have Carbuncle, and your only party function is to heal and heal some more.

I was excited when I finally hit 20. That meant I could finally fight the elemental avatars and be a badass, like the summoners you see running around, being awesome.

Despite taking more time than i'd care to admit, I got it done. I was awesome again. My next goal was to hit 50, get the Austere set, and look like a homeless badass. I accomplished this goal a week ago, and spent most of my gil buying the Austere Robe, Gloves, and Boots. I didn't think the pants were worth 500k, despite the fact that I am wearing pants that are lvl 29. ::Cough::


But there was no hat in stock. I would check the AH three times a day but I always seemed to miss the one hat sold that day. Desperate, I decided to buy the materials needed and have someone craft my own hat. I managed to get everything but a Velvet Hat in Jeuno, so I took a field trip to Windy to check the AH there.

Nothing.

Bastok was next on my list.

Nothing. I was starting to get worried.

Finally I checked San D'Oria (spelling?) and was yet again dissapointed. I don't know what I was expecting though, Sandy sucks.

So here I was with four-fifths of the materials needed for my own hat. I decided to go one step further and have a Velvet hat crafted.

I head back to Windy and pick up everything I need for a Velvet hat. While on the boat to Jeuno, I noticed someone ClothCrafting, and as luck would have it, she could craft the Velvet hat for me. Yay.

With my shiny new hat in hand, I tried to seek out a Leathercrafter. I want to thank QCDN's crafter list, because that made my search a whole lot easier.

I met FoxFlower in Sandy and she crafted my hat for me. {Excitement} all around. I don't think I've ever used so many /emotes at one time. I put it on and off I went, to show off my awesomeness.

After I logged, I did a some calculations on what my Austere Hat finally cost me. With material costs, travel costs, and tips for both crafters, my total came up to 250,000gil. The Austere Hat sells in the AH for roughly 30,000gil.

This picture to the right represents how much gil I have left.

Kentucky Fried Chocobo. Not my joke, but meh.

First off, congratulations to all the new mommys and daddys out there.

This, of course, is referring to the new Chocobo raising update from last week, and all the little chocobos that have been hatched since then. I'm sure you've all seen a wide assortment of names, including hilarious ones like EasyLady or CoqUranus, and more serious ones like SilentThunder or TalonStrike. I went with ShadowWing, a name that sounds cool now, but I'm sure after saying it six or seven more times, I'll think it's lame.

While its fun to 'walk' ShadowWing (7) around, and stuff greens down his little throat, waiting for him to hatch was not fun.

I was sitting in the Windurst Chocobo-Getting place, waiting and wishing (hi Jack Johnson. Sigh.) for my egg to finally hatch. Everyone around me was /cheering and /shouting about how great it was, and that everyone who didn't have a baby chocobo was a huge jerkface. (Ok, not really, but their /cheers of /joy made me /sad.)

I decided to take things into my own hands. I switched to whm, and equipped my most hammer-like club. My plan was to smash the egg, and heal the chocobo, before he died. It was a pretty solid plan.

Fortunatly for ShadowWing (6), my egg hatched before I got the chance to smashy-smashy. Out came this tiny bird, with yellow feathers, and huge, creepy eyes. I immediatly teird to feed him, but he had came out of the egg full, which leads me to believe that he ate his twin, who was obviously also in the egg.

If I said it only took me a few minutes to name ShadowWing (5), I would be a huge liarface. I spent about an hour staring at the name lists, yelling suggestions to my brother, asking for advice. He was busy sleeping, so his advice was less than helpful.

I decided on ShadowWing (4) and immediatly wanted to go for a walk. A walk ended up being a cutscene of ShadowWing (3) and I walking. Awesome.

After three walks around East Sarutabaruta, I put him to sleep and went to level my WHM in Yhoator Jungle, which as far as I'm concerned, is the new Dunes. But that's another update for another time.

P.S. After writing this, I'm down to two more times using ShadowWing's (2) name before I get sick of it.

P.P.S. Damnit.

The following is a paid advertisement for Michael Bay.

I don't really have time for an update for today, so I'm recycling something I made over a year ago, when I first found out there was going to be a new Transformers movie. I normally don't like re-using old stuff, but I figure its going to be new to you. Here's my version of the new Transformers movie, made while I was at work, using nothing but tape and a nut.


So one day, Optimus Prime was driving around, minding his own business...















Out of nowhere comes Starscream! ::dramatic music::















TRANSFORM! ::cool robot sound effects::















There is a brief scuffle. ::snazzy action music::















Optimus Prime kicks Starscream's ass. ::triumphant music::















The end.

See you Monday, with a real FFXI-related post.

I uh... yeah.

First things first, I did not get to see Snakes on a Plane this weekend. I was busy (drunk) all Saturday, and waaaaaaay to hung over yesterday to bother doing anything. So instead, here's a story, about a blm, in the Dunes. A blm I would very much like to punch in the face.

I know that being in Valkrum Dunes means that there is no one with any intellegence for three zones, but this pretty much blew my mind.

It had already been a lousy day of partying in the Dunes. We had three tanks level and leave, anxious to start leveling their subs, regardless of how boned the party would be. Everyone was a total assface and left without any warning or replacement, so the first party disbanded. I wasn't too concerned, as I was leveling whm and everyone loves whms.

Forty-five minutes later.

Just as I began contemplating suicide, I get an invite to replace a rdm. Happily I accept, and off I went. I checked the party setup, and it seemed pretty solid, but something seemed off...

whm/blm <-- our hero pld/war sam/war blm/pld war/nin drk/war Do you see it? I have to admit, I missed it at first glance. Here it is again, in case you did too. blm/pld

Not only was this foolish blm subbing pld, but his sub was level fucking 1. I shoot him a /tell to see what's up.

Pasquale: Um. Hey.
blm/pld: Yo.
Pasquale: Sooo... blm/pld huh?
blm/pld: Yeah.
Pasquale: How's that workin' out for ya?
blm/pld: It's awesome, I'm pretty sure I get a fuck-ton of extra def.

'I'm pretty sure I get a fuck-ton of extra def.' A single tear dropped down my cheek.

Pasquale: Um, I'm no expert, but i don't think you get anything when your sub is level 1.
blm/pld: I get a few more HP and some def. That's what I need most.
Pasquale: That's funny, I would think MP would be what a blm needs most.
blm/pld: I have plenty of MP.

Lies. He was a fucking Elvaan. He needed all the MP he could get.

We start fighting and sure enough, he had to rest after every kill. A little while later we started fighting a very angry goblin. This guy was built like a tank and would not go down. And despite having a 'fuck-ton of extra def' the blm/pld was killed, after just one bomb.

The moral of the story is that you should always think before choosing a sub-job. If at any time, you consider something like this guy did, save everyone the trouble and murder yourself in the most horrible way possible to you at the time. Also, for fuck's sake, keep your subs leveled, you lazy piece of crap.

Not you, him.

I totally Dirged while playing this game.

Today's post is a review of Dirge of Cerberus, the new Final Fantasy VII title starring Vincent 'the badass' Valentine. I picked this game up when it came out Tuesday, and finished it last night. Also, I'm not 100% on what Dirge means, so I'm gonna use it for everything.

If I were asked to describe this game, I would say it was as if Resident Evil and Devil May Cry got together and had a baby, and that baby had autism.

Let's start with visuals, as this is usually one of Square's strong points. The CutScenes looked amazing, which is nothing suprising. Some clips looked like they were pulled straight out of Advent Children. Literally. I'm almost positive that shit with Cloud was stock footage. Even during the actual game it looked dirge (for a ps2 game) and for the most part it held. I had exactly two spots in the entire game where it started to get choppy, but that was fixed when the next CS started.

Also, each CS was like watching a 20 min television show with no commercials. (Lies. Whenever Yuffie of Cait Sith was on screen, it was a commercial for me, as I usually left the room to do something less dirgey.) There was one point where I went 45 min w/o shooting anything. The visuals gets 4 out of 5 luke skywalker action figures.

The controls and camera angles were not too bad. It took a while to get used to them, but once you do, it gets pretty easy. They have a Tutorial which I would recommend, because it helps with everything. I didn't really have any major issues with either. The camera can be moved by you with ease, so I never had an issue of not being able to see anything. Controls and camera get 3.5 out of 5 luke skywalker action figures.

I think the gameplay left much to be desired. It was fun shooting things, running, shooting things, jumping, and shooting things, but sometimes you need more. Yeah, there was a melee attack, but it sucked. There was only one real combo and if you started it and missed, you had to finish it missing, as you could not turn mid-punch, which sucked. The 'dodge' button took you out of 'aiming mode,' which made it inconvienent to use. (Not that you had to ever, but still.)

The enemy AI ranged from disabled child to cheating piece of shit. Some guys you could shoot at, miss, reload, fire again, miss, fire one more time, and kill without them even noticing you. Others seemed to be able to hear you dirge, and always knew exactly where you were at. The rocket launcher guys were cheating whores. They would shoot you with a rocket, and then just as you were getting up, shoot you again, thus making it impossible to get up without some dirge.

Hmm. What else? You could only hold a very limited amount of potions and such, which meant frequent stops at the 'jukebox' (for some reason) stores located pretty much everywhere. The 'pheonix down' was dirge, but it made you pretty much un-killable. The game itself was pretty linear, but if you went off the path, you were usually rewarded with gil or a new weapon or something to that effect. There were these hidden vials all over the dirge which apparently unlock some of the 'extra features.' Things like Side Missions, Art Galleries, etc, most of which you'll never dirge.

The best part of the gameplay was the gun customizing. You could pretty much dirge any type of gun with your parts. You could make things like a long barrel pistol (slow, but powerful) and short barrel rifle (useless, but useless) to name a few. The add-ons were pretty awesome, and upgrading them made you a badass.

At the end of a level, after 20 min of cutscene, but before 20 more min of cutscene, you are given a choice to use your exp to make Vincent dirge-ier, or trade it in for a ton of gil. Gun parts are expensive, so I usually gave it to gil. I didn't need HP, the bosses were a joke. Gameplay gets 3 out of 5 luke skywalker action figures.

I know there are more areas a person usually reviews games on but I'm tired of typing. One last thing: Worst final boss fight ever. (Lies. Second worst boss fight ever. F.E.A.R. didn't have a boss, which pissed me off. I like an end boss, it gives me dirge.) The last boss in DoC sucked. I don't think I got hit once, and I didn't even have to be evasive. I just ran in a circle and shot him for 10 min. Boss fights get 1 out of 5 luke skywalker action figure's leg, as they don't deserve the whole figure.

Everyone else from VII makes cameo appearences, except Yuffie and Cait Sith, who are both major players in DoC. Yuffie and Cait Sith. Yeah. You spend the whole game with two of VII's brightest stars, and you actualy have to play as Cait Sith for one level. I was pretty much ready to dirge my ps2 out the window.

In conclusion, rent the game. I am gonna play it on the creativley titled 'Ex-Hard' mode, and hope a game comes out of it.

Dirge of Cerberus gets 3 out of 5 luke skywalker action figures. It was ok, but i liked it better when it was called Devil May Cry.

Pa-owned

First off, you'll notice the blog has a new look. I can assure you it has the same great taste. Go ahead, lick your monitor. Ok, now clean it off, its story time.

While waiting for some people to catch up so we can static, I have spent the last few weeks gathering SMN things. (Carby Mitts, Whispers, etc...) Last night, I decided i would try to complete the first round of my AF, and get myself the weapon. I did some quick research and this is what I found:

1 - Go to House of the Hero in Windy Walls
2 - Head to Port Bastok and have a little talk with Juroro
3 - Trade Earth Pendulum to Cloister of Tremors
4 - Return to Port Bastok and speak with Juroro
5 - Head back to Windurst
6 - Obtain AF weapon
7 - /dance

After seeing what I had to do, I got excited. From what I could tell there would be no monsters to fight, and no NM waiting to maim me. I grab my gear and off I go.

I got to the House of the Hero and was amazed at what I saw. Carbuncle was talking to me, while standing on an invisible table. So magical.

Carby talked for a while about some stuff and then I headed to Bastok. On my way to Bastok, I pulled out my Carbuncle to see if he would talk too. No dice. It kinda reminded me of that singing frog in an old cartoon, the one who wouldn't do anything if anyone was around.

Juroro does his thing and I get an Earth Pendulum. I use the Mini-Fork trick to instantly warp myself to the Cloister. I trade the Pendulum to the glowing yellow rock.

I then found myself entering a battlefield.

I buff myself as I am trying to assess the situation. After taking a closer look at the 'to do' list for AF1, I see that there is in fact an NM. I pull out Carby and prepared for battle.

We charged forward and I sent Carbuncle in. I decided to treat this like one of the solo-level 20 avtar fights, as that would be my only chance.

Pasquale uses Astral Flow.
Carbuncle starts casting Searing Light.
Galgalim eats Carbuncle.

Well, not literaly 'eats,' but there was much death, of the instant variety. This of course meant I had to stay alive for 60 seconds, before I could try Searing Light again.

60 seconds proved to be 54 seconds too long.

Pasquale starts casting Carbuncle.
Galgalim starts casting Heinous Sex Acts on Pasquale.

What followed was a massacre of unholy proportions. After my swift and merciless annhilation, I went home, logged out, put on some soothing Jack Johnson, and cried myself to sleep.

/tell /trouble

So I spent the majority of this week gathering help and re-battling the Avatars, so that I could get the whispers and finally be able to fight Fenrir.

Once the parties were assembled, the fights went relatively smooth. Aside from Gruda, who we accidently fought on Windsday. My ass is still bleeding from that one.

Now while things went pretty well when we were all set, it was an entirely different story putting the groups together. I started most of them by /shouting in jeuno and working from there.

Pasquale: {Help me out!} (insert avatar name) {Full attack!} {Please assist.}

Nice, polite, and to the point. I don't understand why some people are totally retarted, but seriously if you have that much trouble reading, maybe you should play something else:

Player1: What do you need help with?

C'mon. I could not have been more clear. I ignore him, as I am positive talking to him will cause me to miss a better, more useful tell.

I was wrong. Ten minutes wrong.

I do another shout and a few min later I get another /tell.

Player2: Wut's that?
Pasquale: What's what?
Player2: lol {full attack!} Wuts that?
Pasquale: Oh. I need help with killing Titan.
Player2: Titan? is that an NM?
Pasquale: Are you serious? Titan is an avatar... for SMN...
Player2: Oh lol.
::pause::
Player2: Wait... wut?
Pasquale: Summoner. You can summon Titan. I need help to go fight him.
Player2: You can be TITAN?!

/blist - Also, I hate you.

A little while later I get a /tell from a 75rdm/nin and off we go. I was excited because this was going to be a guaranteed victory. We make it to the Cloister and I enter. The rdm/nin does not.

Rdm/nin: LOL I forgot my fork. I'll brb.

I zone out of crystal and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

/sea rdm/nin all

0 people found in all known areas. I /sighed and warped back to jeuno, ready to give up.

Player3: Hey, I don't have fork yet but I want to go, how do i check fame?

I /checked him. 75nin/war. Nice. I told him to go to Windy Waters and to check it there. A few minutes later I hear from him again.

Player3: You are a liar. There is no (F-10) on this map.
Pasquale: Waters has two parts... run north to the second map...
Player3: oh lol

I was pretty confident he did not have enough fame, as it seemed he had never been to Windurst before. Story checks out.

Player3: "You have barely made a name for yourself" Is that enough?

I didn't bother responding, I was too busy swallowing sleeping pills and downing a box of wine.

The week wasn't a total waste, though. I managed to get a group together and off we went. We fought, we won, we /cheer-ed. Good times all around. Thanks to everyone that was useful and helped out. We're awesome.

Holla back at Mea

Ahh the Promies. Or is it Promys? {Hmm.} Everyone knows what they are, although some of us do not know how to spell them. (Dear Blogspot, {Please use the auto-translator function.}) This weekend I got invited to join a group to attempt to beat Promy Holla and Promy Mea. I was hesitant, as my first attempt at a Promy ended in massive death...

::flashback music::

I was a young lad of lvl32 when Chains of Promathia came out. When it did, everyone was going crazy about doing the missions and blah blah high-level stuff I will never be a part of.

I was seeking in jeuno when i recieved a mysterious /tell.

Player: {Promyvion-Mea} {Do you need it?}

I had no idea what he was talking about, and further investigation proved fruitless:

Pasquale: Um... i don't know what that means.
Player: Its a thing. At Mea. Come with us. It'll be fun.

Lies. Lies and slander. Fun is the last word I would use to describe what happened to us in that hell-hole. But I'm retarted and said yes, and off we went.

It opened with disaster. We zoned into the crystal and our tank lost almost all of his armor.

Tank: LOL! It caps us at 30!
Healer: hahahahahaha. dude you're so going to die.
Pasquale: Why are you laughing? we are totally boned if we get aggro.

As if waiting for his cue, I immediatly got hit from something that looked like it had escaped from the set of Beetlejuice. We kill it relatively easy, and allowed ourselves to get filled with foolish pride.

Tank: haha! I'm friggin great. Lets kill more!
Pasquale: Well, I guess that wasn't too bad. does anyone know what were supossed to do now?
Healer: lol this is awesome. I'm gunna use Banish like crazy!

Our ranger had a guide and we eventually went up a floor. Our tank died 6 times on that floor, all from "totally being a badass and fighting everything." ...Yeah.

Some how we made it the top floor. Most of us had died several times by now and I didn't want to play anymore. We zoned into a room where our level cap went away.

Tank: YES! My gear!
Ranger: Don't get used to it, apparently the cap comes back at the boss.
Tank: What's the plan?
Ranger: I dunno... I guess we just charge it and all use our two-hours?
Healer: Sounds good. Let go.

Reluctantly I followed my party into the room, where a very angry monster awaited its dinner. As soon as we got in, our whm used Benediction, citing that we said we would all two-hour when we got in. Simply Amazing.

We started fighting, and all kinds of death ensued. Our tank was the first to go, because he had no armor. Next was our healer, because spamming cures is awesome. Our ranger used Eagle Eye Shot, and was immediatly punished. Our monk acctually got a few shots of Hundred-Fists off, all doing a massive 7-9 damage. His death was slow and painful.

This left myself and the other black mage alone with this angry beast, who still had a lot of HP left. The other black mage uses manafont and heals himself, and takes off looking for an exit. All he found was a wall. Never in my life have I seen a stream of obscenities so long and violent. It took up three full lines of party chat.

That left just me. I pulled out my staff and charged, determined not to go out like a bitch. I swing, I miss, I die. We all just kind of sat there, dead and broken. Never before had we been so horribly crushed. I decided I would never try it again.

::fast-forward sounds::

This weekend I got invited to join a group to attempt to beat Promy Holla and Promy Mea. These people had expierence and a plan, so i switched to smn and joined. After spending an hour farming for Animas (I had no idea what the hell these were) we set off, in a much better party set-up: WAR, NIN, WHM, SMN, SMN, SMN.

I quivvered with fear as I entered the crystal, anxiously waiting to see who would be gearless this time. Everyone had everything, so in we went. It was awesome.

We plowed through Holla. When we got to the boss, all three smn used Astral Flow and together we made short work of the mob. We even managed to beat the old record by more than a minute.

While waiting for Astral Flow to reset itself, we farmed for more Animas in Mea. Just being in that crystal brought back horrible memories. When our two-hours were almost reset, we started to plow through Mea as well. It was great, we kicked the shit out of everything. Got to the boss, spammed Astral Flow, and I was soon standing triumphantly over an old nemesis. Yet again, we had broken the record by at least a minute.

Thanks to Dragonan, Rukkia, Iridial, Thefirst, and Akichu for one hell of a Promy run. Or two hells of a promy run? Or is it one hell of promy runs? Eww scratch that last one, 'runs' sounds gross.

The Dream Team.

Yesterday, while attempting to raise my fame for Fenrir, I get a /tell from Cythe asking if I wanted to go get the Offering needed for my Carby Mitts. This offering has alluded me on several occasions, so of course I said yes. We met in the Den of Rancor, ran to the Temple, and eventually found the offering.

When I opened the door that housed the offering, a Tonberry and his Light Elemental were standing there, waiting to commit heinous acts on my body. Just before I was finally murderized, I managed to grab the offering, making the whole thing worth it. Thanks, Cythe!

We part ways and immediatly I /shout in Jeuno to gather a group to kill the NM, so I can get my mitts.

Pasquale: {Help me out!} Carbuncle Mitts! Already have offering! {Please listen.}

After twenty minutes of getting no response, I make one tiny little change.

Pasquale: {Help me out!} Carbuncle Mitts! Have Offering! {Reward} {Please}

As soon as I put the word {reward} up, I recieved a flurry of /tells.

Player1: How much?
Player2: Dude Ill do it, how much gil?
Player3: What's the reward?

Vultures. I don't mind paying for help, but its like they were all just sitting... waiting... I /sea all the people who had replied only to find out they were all lvl 20-35, and thus totally useless. I sent them /tells anyways, just in case they had a higher job, but my response was always the same:

Player1: lol no
Player2: Um, have you been to Qufim? That shit is hard.
player3: No, but I'm pretty good. I can probably tank a lvl 75 NM w/o dying. (He was level 20.)

Disheartened, I try again, this time reeling in a 75mnk and a 75thf.

Party lineup:
41smn (me)
75thf
75mnk

Ok, two down, three to go. A few minutes later I get a /tell from a 75drk saying he'll help. Yay!

Party lineup:
41smn
75drk

??? What what?

Apparently the thf and mnk had disconnected, because they were nowhere to be found. Just then I get a /tell from a 75blm.

Party lineup:
41smn
75drk
75blm

Ok, if those guys came back, I'd be in business. I do some more shouting and I get a /tell from the thf saying they were back. Glee!

Party lineup:
41smn
75blm
75mnk
75thf

The Drk had logged, without saying anything. But I still felt hope. I was close... so close...

After 15 more minutes of /shouting in all four areas of Jeuno, things were starting to look grim for our hero. Then this happens, and puts the final nail in the coffin.

75mnk: t/ 75thf dude get him to pay up front and lets split.

::awkward silence::

Party lineup:
41smn
75blm

Right about here I gave up. I thanked the blm for his time, and went back to my mog house, where I began sobbing uncontrolably planning out what I was going to do for the rest of the night.